Dear Diary (Part 3) *To be read in British accent*

Dear Diary,

Today, I had an ice-cream cone (*sings*) for the first time in forever. Elizabeth told me that if I liked Frozen so much, that I should become a Disney star. I believe I will be Sven. Because reindeer, are indeed, better than people. If only Elizabeth knew…if only she knew. Wow, I am soooo good at making references. And being subtle too. That’s why I’d be the lead of another movie. Because I’m so subtle. And good looking. Don’t you agree? I know you do. I wish I wasn’t so alone.

I thought this marriage would work out better considering that Elizabeth and I had known each other for a hearty three weeks. That’s two weeks longer than most couples’ acquaintances. But now? Now she is visiting…her family. And I am left alone…desolate…danceless. I do miss the dancing. I do not have the ability to converse easily with people…but I can dance. Like a queen. The dancing queen. See that girl. Young and sweet. Only 43. Ohhhhh yeaaaahhhhhh. See? This is why Paramount would hire me.

In other news, Mr. and Mrs. Collins (Elizabeth’s cousins and ex-fiance) are coming to visit us at Pemberley. I do so look forward to their visit. Perhaps they will pay me some attention at long last. Mr. Collins and I always have the most scintillating conversations; a humble and interesting man who cannot convey the depths of his affections in simple sentences. He is wonderful and my sole confidante now that Elizabeth will not speak with me. They come in a fortnight. Perhaps I will suggest cricket or a complimentary sculpture to be made in his honor to delay their departure. As my loyal friend the Doctor would say,  “I don’t want [them] to go.” (Season 4, Ep. 19). He will always be in my heart.

I have nothing to do with my time. Maybe I will buy an opera house. Or clean my closet. All 50 of them. Or take a quick swim in the pond and hope that the fish will not be disturbed as I was. I hate fish. And people. Good thing I’m rich. Anyway, I must away for the time is short, but first, a quick haiku:

“I hate all people.

That is all, my dearest friend.

Hippopotamus.”

 

Poetry is my second calling, blogging being my first.

Tata for now.

 

All my love,

Fitzwilliam Darcy xoxo

 

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Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Today, I realized that Elizabeth has not been honest with me. She has been spending time with a man, Pringles I believe is the name, and thinks me blind and deaf to the whole situation. Sir Pringles has yet to make an appearance but I know that her heart lies with another. I can hear her mirth in the room upstairs, where we used to, used to, spend our time together, but now, it is all saved for Sir Pringles. I struggle to contain my tears.

In other news, I think I want a cat. They will never leave me. Or rather, I would like a cat, if my wife wasn’t already one. This constant “I will NOT marry you, no, I WILL, no, I WILL NEVER” is getting out of hand. She does as she pleases, and stares at me with catlike disdain. I think a cat will do nicely. After my experience with a FE-male, I think a FE-line will do the trick quite nicely. Aha…haha…hahahaha…ha….HA.

I need to get out more.

My 500 acres of land is just not enough. I do believe it is time for some social interaction with the human race. Dancing would be delightful. Perhaps Elizabeth will join me. Probably not.

All my love,

Fitzwilliam Darcy xoxo

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