Dear Diary (Part 3) *To be read in British accent*

Dear Diary,

Today, I had an ice-cream cone (*sings*) for the first time in forever. Elizabeth told me that if I liked Frozen so much, that I should become a Disney star. I believe I will be Sven. Because reindeer, are indeed, better than people. If only Elizabeth knew…if only she knew. Wow, I am soooo good at making references. And being subtle too. That’s why I’d be the lead of another movie. Because I’m so subtle. And good looking. Don’t you agree? I know you do. I wish I wasn’t so alone.

I thought this marriage would work out better considering that Elizabeth and I had known each other for a hearty three weeks. That’s two weeks longer than most couples’ acquaintances. But now? Now she is visiting…her family. And I am left alone…desolate…danceless. I do miss the dancing. I do not have the ability to converse easily with people…but I can dance. Like a queen. The dancing queen. See that girl. Young and sweet. Only 43. Ohhhhh yeaaaahhhhhh. See? This is why Paramount would hire me.

In other news, Mr. and Mrs. Collins (Elizabeth’s cousins and ex-fiance) are coming to visit us at Pemberley. I do so look forward to their visit. Perhaps they will pay me some attention at long last. Mr. Collins and I always have the most scintillating conversations; a humble and interesting man who cannot convey the depths of his affections in simple sentences. He is wonderful and my sole confidante now that Elizabeth will not speak with me. They come in a fortnight. Perhaps I will suggest cricket or a complimentary sculpture to be made in his honor to delay their departure. As my loyal friend the Doctor would say,  “I don’t want [them] to go.” (Season 4, Ep. 19). He will always be in my heart.

I have nothing to do with my time. Maybe I will buy an opera house. Or clean my closet. All 50 of them. Or take a quick swim in the pond and hope that the fish will not be disturbed as I was. I hate fish. And people. Good thing I’m rich. Anyway, I must away for the time is short, but first, a quick haiku:

“I hate all people.

That is all, my dearest friend.

Hippopotamus.”

 

Poetry is my second calling, blogging being my first.

Tata for now.

 

All my love,

Fitzwilliam Darcy xoxo

 

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The Best Comebacks Of All Time. Ever. The End.

Lauren: So, we were talking about how, in the moment, we all have a hard time with coming up with good comebacks.

Anna: I mean, I don’t know about you, but after someone says something “brisk”, I’m sort of speechless, like, why would you say that to me? But then, 5 minutes later, I have a perfect comeback.

Lauren: And she wishes that she had the Doctor on speed dial to borrow his Tardis and just casually go back 5 minutes to really tell “Bob” what was on her mind! But like, we wish we always had the Tardis, so…yeah.

Anna: I can’t believe the new season’s not on yet.

Lauren: It’s okay, we’ll watch it in heaven.

Anna: After we die of old age.

Lauren: Because…Stephen Moffat hates the world.

Anna: ANYWAY.

Lauren: We struggle with comebacks. I always think of them not in the moment, then freak out when I DO actually come up with a good one and people are like, “Doesn’t matter. You’re dumb.”

Anna: I don’t think you’re dumb.

Lauren: Thanks.

Anna: Gotchu.

Lauren: So we decided that the next time someone says something and we can’t come up with anything in less than 5 seconds…

Anna: Because that’s the acceptable time span before it gets awkward…

Lauren: It’s like the 5 second rule for food, except it’s comebacks…

Anna: We decided that we’re just gonna make an annoying noise or throw the comeback back at THEM.

Lauren: Watch this.

Lauren: Hey, Anna…

Anna: Hey, what.

Lauren: You’re a poopface.

Anna: …nyeeeeeeee *angry noise making*

Lauren: You nailed it.

Anna: Thank you. Hey, Lauren.

Lauren: Whaaaaaat.

Anna: Your face is dumb.

Lauren: YOUR FACE IS DUMB.

Anna: See? Works like a charm.

Lauren: But your face isn’t actually dumb.

Anna: And you’re not a poopface.

Lauren: Thanks.

Anna: *winks*

Lauren: I hate it when you do that.

Anna: …I know. :3

Lauren: Anyway, time for an update since we haven’t been on here in a LONG time.

Anna: College sucks. Update #1.

Lauren: Update #2: ONLY ONE MORE FULL WEEK OF SCHOOL.

Anna: THERE CAN BE MIRAAAACLLEEEEEES, WHEN YOU BELIEEEEEEEEEVE.

Lauren: Update #3: I got an internship with St. Mary’s!

Anna: Update #4: I did not get an internship…BUT. I might be working as a writing consultant next semester!

Lauren: Wooohoooo! *happy dance* Update #5: We’re moving to Seattle.

Anna: Update #6: We are not.

Lauren: Update #7: Somewhere rainy then?

Anna: Update #8: Sure.

Lauren: Update #9: Perf.

Anna: Update #10: Our lives are not that interesting, but, um, we have grand adventures sometimes.

Lauren: UM, ALL THE TIME. All day, erryday.

Anna: …No, a lot of stuff has happened, my dad made it through cancer…

Lauren: PRAISE THE LORD!

Anna: I’ve had more opportunities for performances, and so much more.

Lauren: I’ve been busy with work and school and life. I’ve joined a bible study that meets at the same time as church orchestra so I’ve given that up. I just feel like God is directing me to do that instead of orchestra for the time being.

Anna: I’ve made new friends…

Lauren: I TOLD YOU SO. *dance*

Anna: And overall, I feel pretty content with this year even though it’s had its ups and downs. Lauren?

Lauren: It’s been one of the hardest years of my life, not gonna lie, going through changes with relationships, figuring out what I’m going to do for the rest of my life, but God has been very faithful and revealed Himself in so many ways. He is good.

Anna: I completely agree. I think that this year has taught me to lean on Him because He is the one constant in this volatile world.

Lauren: Yes.

Anna: Anyway, hopefully this update finds all of our loyal friends on the other side of winter and looking forward to summer break or at least warmer weather!

Lauren: Amen. A thousand times yes. Until next time!

xoxo Anna and Lauren

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Reasons Why Poopface Is Our Favorite (Poopface Approved)

Anna: So, to recap, Poopface is my brother, and although he can be a poopface sometimes, he’s actually pretty great when he wants to be.

Lauren: …Yep.

Anna: He’s actually been bugging me for the past month about writing a blog post about him…

Lauren: But he’s not that…um…okay, he IS interesting, just…

Anna: There’s not that many stories like we share with each other.

Lauren: Funny stories that is.

Anna: Yeah, but regardless, we’ve decided to make a list as to why he’s the best and why we love him. Here goes.

REASONS WHY POOPFACE IS OUR FAVORITE:

1. He buys me (Anna) food.

Anna: I mean, he buys me EVERYTHING, but food especially. As a struggling musician, money is scarce.

Lauren: *snickers* Struggling, UNDERGRAD musician…so it’s even worse.

Anna: So, I appreciate the fact that all I have to do is give him a look, and with an eye roll, he consents to buy me whatever I need. Mostly food.

Lauren: Yeah, I mean, the waitress at Arby’s knows your guys’ order. To a tee. Though the name? Antone? I don’t think so…

Anna: Close enough. She brings food and blessings.

Lauren: And happiness. I mean, she’s basically Santa Claus.

2. He’s SOOOOOOOOOOOO easy to tease.

Lauren: I love ganging up on him.

Anna: He makes it too easy. He’s like the magician’s assistant who sets up the magician to look good…that’s how easy it is to gang up on him.

Lauren: And he doesn’t do it on purpose! It’s HILARIOUS. But obviously, we do it with the kindest intentions.

Anna: (Some of us, just kidding, he buys me food, I can’t say anything)

3. He gives you the weirdest, most reassuring compliments of all time.

Anna: If he compliments you, you know that you better be signing up for Victoria’s Secrets modeling or something.

Lauren: I prefer Dove. #realbeauty

Anna: …But for actually, this one time…I’m not going there, but lets just say…with the help of a British accent, Meghan Trainor’s song, and Sherlock quotes…he reassured me I was not overweight.

Lauren: Besties for lyfeeeee.

Anna: BFFAFA.

Lauren: What. WAIT. I KNOW THAT ONE. Best friends for ever and for always?

Anna: Jes.

4. He attempts to sing basso profoundo.

Lauren: He sounds like an electric toothbrush that’s in your mouth and you can feel the vibrations on your skull.

Anna: That’s…actually really accurate.

Lauren: Inspiration struck and I took it.

Anna: But yeah, he thinks he’s like, the greatest bass in all time…

Lauren: Which clearly he is *wink wink*

Anna: …And he just walks around the house growling under his breath, and attempting to sing the bass line at church, but just kidding, he can’t, because he can’t read bass clef. The struggle is real.

5. He understands our humor and gets the fact that Lauren and I are soul mates (and doesn’t question it…or our sanity).

Lauren: ‘Nuff said. Anna and I are soul mates. Anna has a theory.

Anna: I think that you have a soul mate and you have an “other half”. If both turn out to be your spouse, well whoop-di-doo for you. But, for a lot of people, they have a person who understands them like no other, and then they have their significant other. Your “person” is your soul mate, but the person you want to marry and raise a family (and obviously love them as well, like, DUH) is your “other half”.

Lauren: I concur. In simpler terms…if you are familiar with The Office…we are both Pam and Jim, and Michael and Dwight. Because we’re best friends, but also made for each other so…(but not in the Pam and Jim way…in the Michael and Dwight way)

Anna: Also…it’s because I’m assistant regional manager.

Lauren: Assistant TO the regional manager.

Anna: Same dif.

Lauren: *Jim face at camera*

 

 

Anna: There are obviously more reasons than that…

Lauren: But it’s almost 10…and time for bed…

Anna: CUZ WE GOING TO SHI-CA-GOOOOOOOOOO.

Lauren:…Chicago.

Anna: SHI-CA-GOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Lauren: But hey, we’re going on a road trip and if any of you know of some local places to check out (besides the Museum of Science and Industry because we’re already going there) let us know in the comments below!

xoxo

Lauren and Anna

 

Lauren: This message has been Poopface approved.

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That One Time Where I Got Lauren Real Good

Hello readers!

It’s Anna here, and this is my first solo blog. Hopefully it doesn’t crash and burn, but I’m feeling pretty good since I have a FANTASTICAL story to share. If you all read our previous blog post, Lauren (how lucky is she?) gets to spend some much needed quality time in Florida while I try not to get frostbite in good ol’ Michigan. Good. Ol’. Michigan. Not that there’s really anything to complain about. I mean, there isn’t even any snow. Compared to last year? I should be going swimming and tanning on the beach or something.

Anyway.

Wow. Tangent much.

Like I was saying…Lauren’s currently in Florida. I am in Michigan. And I’m having issues with the one guy that I thought I friend zoned. Key word…thought. Out of the blue (we’ll call him Bob), Bob texts me and says that we should try to hang out again sometime and chill.

Now, I’m not mean. I’m not one of those girls that have guys falling at my feet, and I don’t play with people’s hearts because that’s just cruel and I could never understand why girls do that. But anyway, it happens to be that at the church Lauren and I go to, there is also another very eligible, young bachelor who also, coincidentally, goes by the name of “Bob”.

On a scale from 1-100, I possess about 15% animosity towards him. Because he assumed I played the cello. Which let me tell you, as awesome as the cello is, you have absolutely no right to assume that just because I’m a music major I must play a stringed instrument. Check yo self. Rant done.

ANYWAY.

I text Lauren telling her that Bob 1 is bothering me again and I don’t know how to nicely tell him to stop. I mean, we can be friends, but that’s it. I’m not looking for anything more. But, I failed to mention Bob 1’s last name so in an act of hilarity, Lauren decided it’d be great to point out, “Was it Bob 2 that had fallen for my feminine wiles as well and was clamoring for my attention?” Perfectly knowing that there was no chance ON EARTH that Bob 2 would ever talk to me, let alone ask me out on a date. But that’s okay. I do not like Bob 2. I do not like him. I do not like him on a boat, I do not like him in a float. Period. He irks me.

So because Lauren went there, I decided to get her back. This is a long history. For YEARS she has been sending me various texts in which she has met the love of her life and I would freak out, call her, only to find out that she was, in fact, “just kidding”.

This time, this time…it was my turn. I texted her back saying, that indeed, it was Bob 2. That Bob 2 was asking me out and that I didn’t know what to say.

Then I waited.

Little more than 5 seconds had passed until I heard my phone ring.

Like the angel I am, I ignored it.

She called again. I relished in my delight as I ignored it again.

And finally, FINALLY, I see the blip on my phone when it alerts me that I have a voicemail.

Only then, after a hearty laugh, did I text my dear, sweet, unsuspecting Lauren that I was “just kidding”. Just the fact that the two Bob’s who couldn’t be MORE different…the idea of either one of them dating me. It’s a great joke. Especially Bob 2.

I’m pretty sure she hates me. But anyway, she’s in Florida so it doesn’t matter. She can hate me all she wants in her shorts and beautiful sunshine-y weather. I’m the one freezing over here.

Hope you enjoyed the story, and I know I can’t wait for Lauren to get back.

Until then, enjoy Christmas break, catch up on sleep, and just…well, run a marathon. ON NETFLIX.

xoxo

Anna

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UPDATESSSSS (because curiosity)

Anna: Soooo, as most of you are dying to know…here’s some updates on my bubbling love life and other such shenanigans.

Lauren: I still don’t like bubbling.

Lindsay: It’s not even bubbling. It’s nonexistent. Like, on a heart monitor, it’s about like, beep…..beeeeeep….beep.

Lauren: It’s like almost like a fish that’s dead.

Anna: …

Lindsay: A dwindling love life.

Lauren: THAT’S THE RIGHT ADJECTIVE. Also, Lindsay is our friend, one of the only females of the saxophone studio.

Anna: Holla. ANYWAY.

Lauren: Anna went on a date, we don’t think he loved Jesus, he asked her out again…

Anna: AND I HAD TO HARDCORE FRIENDZONE HIM. I just…what does “hanging out” even mean? Like, are we hanging on a cliff, just…hanging out??

Lindsay: Waiiiit, you’re not giving me a code name? I’m just Lindsay? *raspberry noise*

Anna and Lauren: Uhmmmm, yeah.

Anna: Anyway. So, we didn’t even end up watching a movie about love because it was just…awkward. Like, he was super nice and everything, don’t get me wrong, but, just I don’t know.

Lauren: She didn’t like him.

Anna: I didn’t like him. So that’s pretty much the update except that it’s FINALS WEEK AND I WANT TO DIE AND CRY AND JUST WEEP IN ANGUISH.

Lauren: Except, now I’m doooooone, doooooooooooooone!!!!!!!!!

Anna: …I’ve got two more to go. I almost died in the music theory one today. Like, it was bad. REAL bad. Basically it was a final that eats other finals for dinner and then asks for another one for dessert. That’s how bad it was.

Lauren: Also…total tangent…but I realized that I blush more easily that I thought.

Anna: Expound. Please.

Lauren: One of my coworkers offered to set me up with his RA and I panicked.

Anna: She panicked.

Lauren: And blushed. Hardcore.

Anna: Crimson. ‘Twas the red carpet on her face. She camouflaged beautifully.

Lauren: I actually honestly don’t remember the last time I blushed that bad.

Anna: I do….but I’m assuming we can’t go there?

Lauren: You deduced correctly, Sherlock.

Anna: Thanks Watson. Anyways, so the fabulous Lauren is going to Florida with our other friend who is also fabulous (shoutout to Brea) and she’s going to relax for the week while I enter a committed relationship with Netflix, sleep, and food.

Lauren: The commitment was already there…so is it just more committed?

Anna: Yes. Yes it is. So, yeah. Finals week, a couple more days to go, we’re dying from the workload, but slowly the light is able to seen at the end of the tunnel.

Lauren: And just when we feel back to normal…SECOND SEMESTER!!! Like a brick train.

Anna: Brick wall?

Lauren: Brick train. It’s a combination of speed and force. Knocks you over…unexpectedly. That’s what makes it deadly. It’s sooooo unexpected.

Anna: …why are we friends again? JK, I LOVE YOU. But if any of you have any crazy stories about the fiasco known as finals, feel free to share them in the comments below! We’d love to hear them from ya’ll!

 

xoxo Lauren and Anna

 

 

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